Monday, 6 July 2015

Searching for 'Me'...

Every now and then, I’d have the compulsion (or, just end up accidentally) clicking and watching my old video recordings… and subsequently wondering where on earth did that carefree, cutesy, bubbly person go? What happened to her?




I do miss my younger self, to a certain extent.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that everything I’ve gone through in life shapes the person I am today. It’s just that I also wonder if that perhaps along with the experience of growing up, I could have kept some of that youngish vibe? Do I still have it, hidden somewhere within me, under the rubble of daily stresses like money and deadlines?

So, it’s time for some self reflection. Can I find that part of me which I feel I have misplaced?

Along with my exuberance, I feel that perhaps I have also forgotten about my dream – the dream to conquer the stage. Yeah, that one.

I’m not certain if you were aware of this fact but Brian Littrell of BSB has a vocal condition called Muscle Tension Dysphonia or something like that. Bottom line is, he’s getting much, much better however, during his toughest moments, he struggled to sing those notes which normally just flow like a river of gold out of his mouth. Sigh. Anyway, once I started researching his condition, I wondered if perhaps all this vocal fatigue, flips and shakes that I keep experiencing (especially within the past year) could be something which I should view from a medical standpoint rather than merely thinking “oh, I’m losing my touch” or “nah, you weren’t that good of a singer to begin with”. I am my own worst critic. It kinda sucks when you, yourself, give you hate comments, lol.

Back to my video hopping down virtual memory lane, I decided to take stock of how my singing has changed over the years. Yes, it flowed more easily and the feels was stronger back when I was younger. However, there was a definite lack in power and oomph in those vocals. So, I guess on my way to becoming a better singer, I needed to strengthen those coordinations and muscles that hadn’t been in use for the past, oh, 25 years?

Perhaps I am good enough, or better than many… I just need to figure out where I went wrong and start doing it right… right?

So… what do I do now? That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it.

I have decided (as of today) that I am going to keep listening to my favourite artists (namely the one and only BSB) and remind myself that the person I want to be is one who is full of positive energy, who can inspire and touch others through my vocal delivery. Let’s face it, what’s the point if I learn to hit all the notes but I sing like a robot who no one remembers? I want to be like the Boys who make me flashback different stages of my life with each different song or album. To be one who tugs on those invisible heartstrings of anyone who happens to be listening. That’s who I want to be.

Now I just have to print this out and remind myself everyday, coz I may forget. Let’s not do that again girl, you can do this… believe in YOU! :)

#NoteToSelf
#SearchingForMe

#WithLove
    nad xoxo~


A photo posted by Farah Nadia (@nadjohnson) on


Sunday, 12 April 2015

New Task Today: Assisting Wound Dressing.. *omg*

My sister is such a workaholic. Or maybe I should call her a very dedicated doctor lol. She insisted on changing her patient's dressing herself, even on her off days, just to make sure that it's cleaned properly etc. So today, she dragged me along (with the promise of lunch afterwards) and so, there I was.. waltzing into a medical ward after years of non-clinical work. 


Now, I wasn't quite planning on going to the ward either but okaaayyy. It was either wait in the car, under the hot sun (with the air conditioning on of course.. but we all know that's not the best scenario) or follow her up to the ward. My sister kindly reminded me that HKL isn't like HUKM where I used to work - it won't be as comfy or have air conditioning in there. Oh well, I still chose the latter.



So there I was.. in my 4 inch strappy black heels and red + black striped dress, following her from one ward to another. And then, *pause for dramatic effect*



She made me assist her. Change. The. Dressing.



It was an open and hollow wound, about 2-3 inches diameter 1 inch deep which she's been talking about for days, for crying out loud! 



Anyway, it would have been awkward being left behind by the patient's bed while my sister suddenly went off to get gauze, sterile set.. yada yada. I look at the patient, she looks at me, her daughter looks at me.. *gulp* 



Ok, let's do this. 



I smile and start making utterly random conversation. As it appears, I'm still decently good at it. Phew. I have always believed that when you treat someone, you treat their wounds and also their spirit. It doesn't hurt to cheer your patients up. A little goes a long way guys. 



Long story short, I really did assist my sister clean the wound and change the dressing by passing whatever she needs to her, pouring out more Dermacyn, etc. As a pharmacist, I'm not trained to physically handle the patients so I didn't.. I just did other things.



I learnt something about myself today though. Surprisingly, I am not squeamish when faced with wounds, not if they're right in front of my eyes. However, if I were to look at the photos (which I took) retrospectively, I feel a little bit weak. Huhu. 



I should have asked the patient's daughter to send me the photos that we took :) Anyhow, I hope that lovely lady makes a full recovery, and soon. Be strong! Aja aja, fighting! 



Nad signs off. Til next time, 

xoxo~

Saturday, 3 January 2015

A page from Nad J's diary of 2010

Hey everybody,

Happy New Year! I have been gone for years, it's crazies.. lol. Hope you've all been well :)

I was clearing out an old Ning account (seeing as the network was closing) and in doing so, I came across a blog that I wrote several years ago...




Sat 27th Feb 2010...

Ohmigosh! It’s morning... I have no idea what time it is..owww... Where’s my phone? (my mobile doubles up as my watch.. hey, who needs clocks and watches when you can have it all in one?)... So, I nearly have a panic attack thinking I could have slept right through my show time slot... It’s quite possible you know... I’m not exactly known for being a ‘morning person’. After 30 seconds of frantic searching, I find my phone and can breathe easy- it was only 8.15 am, I still had 1 ¼ hour to go. Phew, that was close! I immediately head for the shower, 45 mins on the clock. Done ;)

Next came the task of deciding what to wear, getting my hair dried, setting up my laptop & pulling up songs... not to forget, I just awakened from sleep, it might be a good idea to ‘warm up’ (if only I knew how to do that properly.. lol).

Anyway,

As I was getting ready, I checked my email. Lo & behold! I got an email from Terrie saying “ready when you are”.. it was 9 am my time, 8 pm EST. What the?? I got the time wrong? Oh boy, do remember I still had a towel on my head, with no finalised wardrobe plan and better yet, only half a voice erk! I lost my voice yesterday... might be an infection I got from someone at the hospital, all the yelling at the customers probably didn’t help either (yes, you may think it weird that I’d be raising my voice at a pharmacy store but I just had to... and, try explaining to patients why they can’t halve a ‘prolonged-release’ tablet...takes forever! Bless them).

With that email in mind, and a bit of adrenaline rush... panic mode sets in lol! I immediately logged onto MuzikDriven to see what’s up... and to sheepishly request some extra minutes. I mean, I couldn’t possibly do a show with dripping wet hair, now could I? :P

Being the wonderful and indulgent people that you all are, you gracefully accepted my plea..and although I acted like it was all going smoothly on this side of the laptop, chaos prevails! As far as Nadia is concerned, of course... trying to dry my hair, dress, get some snack & water for the show, say good morning to my parents...rush rush rush...! However, my fabulous new baby pink Vaio was calm & collected as could be, thank God for that (I love you darlin’, thanks for putting up with my craziness!)..

Yes, I was saying a thank you to my laptop..which I just bought yesterday evening. LOL! Just in time for the show.

Right, it’s show time! Let’s see if I can bluff my way through 90 mins of live camera feed. I honestly had no idea what I was going to do to keep you all entertained for that length of time...doubt my voice would hold up that long, it gets hoarse after 5 minutes... I probably should have cancelled, but I hate breaking promises. Maybe I’ll play the keyboard a lil bit, choose low songs coz I usually lose my higher register when I’m sick, but can still sort of sing the lows... Maybe I’ll spend lots of time talking & just kidding around.. Nevertheless, to borrow a phrase from the Phantom of the Opera, “The show must go on!”

Well...

I had a fantastic time, hanging out with all of you! It’s been so long.. I do miss doing shows, also being an audience at shows. Oh well, life happens and it’s unavoidable. Dreary thoughts, be gone! ;) You all were, are and always will be such a great, supportive group... I’ll bet at the back of your mind you were thinking, “oh gosh, poor girl, she can barely sing with that throat and nasty cough” lol! I would have thought the same thing :P

90 minutes passed by pretty quickly. Time flies when you’re having fun, and I sure was. I’m hoping all of MD did too. Felt a teeny bit disappointed that my original plan, to ‘wow’ everybody with my new song selections, and such a mix that I hoped everyone got to hear something that they liked couldn’t be realised. Bear in mind, I had weeks to plan for this show, so, bummer!

Whatever... you all rock! And like I said, I had an awesome time :) One of these days, I WILL “wow” LOL!

After the show, Saturday just seemed normal, if you know what I mean. It’s odd.. One minute you’re a bit like an online celebrity, the next you’re just the average girl, doing chores & finishing off your assignments. Lol, the joys of online karaoke hehe...

Well, I spent most of the afternoon in bed, coz I think I still need time to recover. Go away infection, leave me be! Taking my own advice, I’m loaded up on multivitamins, especially vit. C. In case you haven’t heard, there’s no cure for colds and flu. The best you could do is to ease the symptoms... but, that’s masking my body signals so I don’t take meds unless I really, really have to ;)

I think it’s about time I stopped writing. Believe me, I could go on forever.. It’s like telling a story, I love telling it in full detail hehehe. Hoping everyone has a lovely weekend... praying that I’ll be a better person..and that I’ll get a move on with my project write up before Monday.. that there’s love and peace on Earth (okay, okay.. enough with the pageant speak already!)...

Take care all! Lotsa love.. This is Nadia signing off ;)