Hello everybody :)
Gosh, I can't believe I actually forgot to upload this.. my bad, my bad. So before this gets buried forever in my OneNote, I'm going to post it as it is and perhaps polish it later on, when I have a bit more time. Perhaps. No promises ;)
In case you're wondering what this is... it's my notes from Yasmin Mogahed's lecture back in August, titled 'I Lost My Way'. I find it's always good to listen to these lectures from time to time, to refresh my memory and hopefully reset my heart and motivation to do good. For what it's worth, I hope you too will gain some benefit from these notes.
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Finding happiness after despair.
This life isn't always easy. People go thru stuff. Things given in this life can be very difficult.
"Allah doesn't burden a human beyond what they can bear."
Yes there are difficulties, challenges, tests. But those struggles were never meant to destroy us. Allah promises this. He only gives us struggles to strengthen us.
It's how we view, interpret our challenges.
How we view Allah.
Your life changes, if u change your viewpoint.
We have to change how we understand, view, the challenges in our lives.
The most toxic thing we can do is to see the challenge n to assume the worst of Allah (i.e. He is angry, punishing, doesn't like a person)
But what if we did something wrong? And Allah is rightfully angry at us? - stop thinking this. It's not all about YOU. Stop focusing on your mess up. Focus on Allah's mercy.
We focus on our mess up, mistakes, weaknesses.... Syaitan wants u to focus on your own weakness. Then he makes a person fall into despair.
Every human makes mistakes. If mistakes, weaknesses, sins are focused on - despair begins, loss of hope sets in. Syaitan loves to remind u of your weaknesses.
A believer should feel a healthy remorse for a sin done. But don't fixate on it. That negative way of looking at yourself is from syaitan who wants u to focus on what's weak in you, vs what's strong in Allah (his mercy n forgiving-ness). And this can cause despair. Keeps u down. This is syaitan's objective, to keep u down.
We are flawed, weak n limited vs Allah is perfect, strong, limitless.
As a good muslim, it is good to feel remorse but don't fixate.
By making u focus so much on ur sins, syaitan makes u miss focusing on Allah and His mercy.
As humans, muslims - there's a formula. If u make mistakes, sin.. repent, seek forgiveness & move on.
A person stuck in despair makes a person lose motivation to get closer to Allah. Not even to repent. They just want to give up.
Repentance requires hope in the forgiveness n mercy of Allah. If a person is in despair n doesn't have that (hope), a person won't even repent. No motivation to do so. This is syaitan's trick.
Despair happens when u're focusing on yourself vs Allah, focusing on other things (sins, past, etc) vs Allah.
No matter how many sins, mistakes were made, Allah's mercy is still greater.
When u mess up, try your best to fix it. Do what is necessary. Taubah.
Taubah nasuha criterias:
- u feel remorse in the heart n regret bcoz of the sin.
- Stop commiting the sin.
- Make sincere intention not to return to that action.
- When the mistake involves another person's right, try to rectify it with the other person.
Do that, then have hope that Allah has forgiven us n move on.
Question the way u think.
Scenario: A person may have sinned or made a mistake. But after that, they put a lot of effort in repentance, making amends with Allah n creation. They keep feeling remorse n seeking repentance.
Then some challenges happen in their life.
What do they think?
Syaitan n their own mind makes them think that the hardship is a punishment. This is illogical.
They made taubah n istighfar in the middle. Which erases the sin. Allah pardons, forgives, has mercy, n erases the sin. So how can a person think that the hardship is a punishment? This is false thinking. Syaitan's trick.
Have hope. For whatever reason, the challenge is always for your own good.
There's a 'despair thinking' vs having a good opinion of Allah.
Think I'm having this challenge, not becoz I'm being punished for an action which i repented from. Maybe Allah is protecting us, strengthening us, teaching us.
Even if u don't know what the positive outcome is, u should still have positive thoughts.
Remember story of Nabi Musa n some slaves at the red sea, firaun at the back. They're stuck. The bani israel were in despair, and feared of being overtaken. Wanted to turn back. Nabi Musa just said an absolute No. 'Indeed my Lord is with me and He will get me thru this'. He had so much faith in Allah, his husnudzon billah. He had no idea how he'd get thru it, but he had faith. Allah then got him thru it, by splitting the sea. But Nabi Musa had to do something first.
- In the heart, he had tawakkul, trust. He never doubted Allah had his back.
- His action - he had to take his staff n strike the sea.
'We hear n we obey'. This is what it means to be a slave of Allah. What we do is because Allah said so.
Nabi Musa heard n obeyed, and Allah helped him out of an impossible situation.
This is a lesson for us too. Have a positive thought of Allah, never negative. 2nd, there's an action for us to take. We may need to do something to change our condition.
Tie your camel, then put trust in Allah. Do both simultaneously.
'Help your brother if he's oppressed, or if he is the oppressor.'- prophet said so. Stop the oppressor.
Despair is thinking things are never going to change, as if you should just give up, there's no way out.
We often sit in a situation which isn't good. Afraid to take action.
Continue to be abused, mistreated. Just coz they're afraid. Despair.
Need to make a bold action, internally n externally.
Sometimes despair is coz a person doesn't take the action they needed to take. Which causes more despair.
How to get out? Change the way u think,...
Happiness. True happiness is of the heart.
It is internal.
How do u find internal happiness after despair?
Need to understand the cause of despair.
How to build happiness?
1) the way we think
2) the way we act.
Studies show that people are born with ... set points? For happiness?
Studies: only 40% is from the set point that u inherit
Half of our happiness (50%) is in our control. How we respond, we behave.
Thoughts and habits? Action?
Cognitive atributional styles. There's positive n negative styles.
The most negative = internal stable global.
When something bad happens, they internalize the blame, think it's because of them. Beating themselves up. This is a way of thinking.
Stable vs unstable atributional style.
Bad things that happen are not forever/stable.
The kind of thoughts that a believer shud have - remember Prophet Ayyub's dua/story. He experienced sickness, lost wealth, lost family.
Being strong, numbing, not feeling the pain = a person isn't aknowledging his pain.
His dua is ...
“Verily, distress has seized me, and You are the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy.”
Surah Al-Anbiya (21:83)
While he's facing his struggles, he still has hope in Allah. Still focusing on Allah's mercy.
Allah gave him back everything he lost, and more.
No trial or difficulty lasts forever.
Nothing in dunya lasts forever.
Everything is temporary.
Global atributional style.
When there's a struggle, a negative person will think that everything in their life is bad.
(Just seeing the trial in everythinggg)
With every difficulty, Allah gives eases (plural)
If a person has all 3, they are more likely to fall into depression n anxiety.
Certain habits that sabotage our own happiness.
- We invite/entertain these bad thoughts to come in. Negative thought(s) is like that man at the door, with tonnes of weapons. Intending to harm a person, their home.
A lot of our negative thought is our self talk - beating ourself up. e.g. Can't do anything right. Body shaming. Etc.
When u have a negative thought about another person, do u entertain it?
If u let it in and feed it, it grows.
U're indulging them. Giving them space n time in your mind. Allowing them to get larger, monstrous.
Fear is also a negative thought we entertain. As we let it in n feed it, it GROWs.
"What ifs". We think of all the scenarios. It's like we already lived it. And our body responds to our thoughts, as if it's happened. We're feeding the fear by allowing it space n time in our mind.
This is sabotaging ourselves. We need to be more careful of what/who, we let into the sanctuary of our mind. Coz they can cause harm, damage.
Our negative thoughts cause havoc over our mind sanctuary?
You can have passing thoughts which u can't control. But, u can control what u indulge, feed. Take care of your mind and heart sanctuaries.
Part 2
Happiness is a result of the way we think, n our actions.
Atributional styles, thinking which sabotages.
What shud i do if there's something I'm afraid of? How to handle it?
- Make du'a about what u're afraid of. If u're afraid if it, ask Allah to protect u from it. Maybe that fear was put in ur heart to inspire u to pray for protection from it.
- Is there an action that i can/need to take to protect me n others from it?
If yes, and action is halal, then take that action.
- Then, let it go. Don't open the door to the fear/negative thought.
Fear was once a tool used by syaitan. To lock us in despair, keep us from getting closer to Allah, from living a fuller life. If u do the above, the fear actually brings u closer to Allah. Seek help from Allah. Syaitan will then realise that tactic isn't working n stop using it against us.
Positive thinking. Husnudzon billah.
Replace -ve thoughts with +ve ones.
What actions can we do to increase happiness? Positive psychology found that some things have significant effect on happiness.
- mindfulness. Presence. Being present n experiencing the nearness of Allah. Khusyuk in solah. Present n mindful with quran.
- Practice of gratitude. Gratitude journal (3-5 things we're grateful for each day). Can even treat depression, symptoms of depression. Shifts our focus from what we don't have to what we have.
If u want more, be thankful.
Show appreciation. It's one of the best ways to show respect. Applies to people too :)
Gratitude - Allah gives u more. And it also protects our blessings.
Taking it for granted will cause it to be lost.
Remember, what u focus on grows.
When u focus on what u have, u feel rich, in abundance, n u get abundance.
Focusing on problems.
A problem solver, someone who always wants to solve problems - will always be lethargic, stressed, preoccupied... coz the focus is on problems. There's never an end to problems. And, solutions don't come from ourselves. It's a mental treadmill. La hawla walaa quwwata illa billah.
لا حَوْلَ وَلا قُوَّةَ إِلا بِالله (There is no might nor power except with Allah)
Only Allah can fix it.
A person may think they can control things
It's not in your control. Only Allah's.
Only Allah has the power to solve it, fix it.
Sometimes we don't know how to get rid of the illusion of control.
Indeed nothing changes, except by the strength/will of Allah.
- Service to others. Being generous. Money spent on others can buy happiness, but not if spent indulging on ourselves.
Spiritually, one of the causes of our suffering - lack of oxygen. 🙈
Solah it our spiritual oxygen.
Solah on time.
Solah protects n prevents u.
There's nothing better to bring us closer to Allah than doing that which is fardh.
The reason He made those actions obligatory is coz it's most beloved to Him (i.e. solah)
Once they've strengthened/solidified the obligatory, then add on the nawafil/voluntary.
Bida'ah.
'And anyone who turns away from the sunnah, ...'
Anas RA reported that: “Three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet SAW and asked how his worship was. When they were informed, they considered their own worship to be insignificant and said: 'Where are we in comparison to the Prophet SAW when Allah has forgiven his past and future sins?' One of them said: 'As for me, I shall offer prayer all night long.' Another said: 'I shall observe fasting perpetually, never to break it.' Another said: 'I shall abstain from women and will never marry.' The Prophet SAW then came to them and said: “Are you the people who said such things? I swear By Allah that I fear Allah more than you do, and I am most obedient and dutiful among you to Him, but still, I observe fasting (sometimes) and break it (at others); I perform (optional) prayer (at night sometimes) and sleep at night (at others); I also marry. So whoever turns away from my Sunnah (i.e., my way) is not from me.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Everything that we need in order to get closer to Allah is in the quran n sunnah.
Q&A
(Man with gun knocking)
Keep repeating the remedy above. Du'a, action, n let it go.
Negative self-talk.. stop! Practise self-compassion instead. (It's okay, people make mistakes, we're all humans, not perfect, not designed to be perfect. Give yourself a break).
We don't give mercy to ourselves. Give mercy to yourself. Give yourselves permission to be human.
Q&A2
(LGBT)
Set ground rules. Allah is the creator. Allah knows best how to take care of His creation.
We hear n we obey.
There's a difference in having the desire n acting on that desire. It is when they act upon a haram desire that it is a sin upon them.
Inclinations and desires don't need to be 'addressed'. What matters is what they do. Do they give in to the desire or not?
Having a desire doesn't give someone a licence to fulfil that desire. Haram is haram.
Having a desire doesn't make it morally okay. We have to separate desires n what's right n wrong.
Islamically, we are not held accountable for our desires, only our actions.
Be careful not to take desire as ilah. Don't worship ur desires.
If someone is struggling with a desire which is not halal, dua to Allah to help us resist it.
Everybody struggles, and differently. Ask Allah to help us to do that which pleases Him.
Q&A3.
(Same test over n over)
This is a question for Allah :)
Every matter of a believer, it is good.
Husnudzon.
Trust that there's a reason Allah tests with the same test repeatedly.
Q&A4.
(Completing the deen of an unmarried person)
Marriage is a path to Allah, but it's not the only way. It just means that it's a really powerful way to help u to get to Allah. Think of marriage not as the destination, but just the path.
U were put on this earth to worship Allah. Marriage is a way to worship.. It's like a main highway to Allah.
It's an efficient means to help with our deen.
It's not THE destination, just a path. Other paths can also be taken.
Q&A5.
(Doubting faith)
First, no one's faith is unshakable.
Prophet made du'a daily 'O' Turner of Hearts, keep our hearts steadfast on your deen'.
Don't think that your faith is unshakable.
Even the prophet made the earlier prayer, and he's the most beloved by Allah.
The heart is a turning thing. If you're depending on yourself, your unshakable faith, it's a dangerous thing to do.
'Do not leave me to myself for the blink of an eye.' -
Sometimes we need to be humbled.
Beg Allah, as the Prophet did.
Seek forgiveness for taking credit for our own faith
Surah Yusuf-seduced- he said, had it not been for Allah's protection, he might have fallen for it.
Don't ever think big of ourselves. That we may never do that. We judge them, think we may never do it. That's arrogance. It's only the protection of Allah that u didn't. If Allah were to take away His protection, anyone could have fallen, slipped, worse.
Acknowledge that thinking a person had unshakable faith was a mistake. Seek forgiveness and get help?
Q&A live
How does a person move on from loving the ex-husband altho she has started a new marriage.
Iblis has an army. If syaitan reports that he came between a husband n wife, iblis is happy. This is one of the ultimate goals of iblis.
Most of the time, it's just syaitan whispering. Was-was. Making a person forget the terrible human being the Ex may have been, only remembering the good.
It's deception of syaitan, to make the girl forget the bad. And reignite feelings.
Seek help, refuge in Allah. To strengthen the feelings between new husband n wife.
Increase in dhikir. It can block a lot of these whispers, influence of syaitan on our minds.
3 part dhikir prescription - solah, adhkar, quran.
Q&A
Istikharah. Says that if it's good, make it easy, etc. But, Why can't we make specific du'a, and make that one good for us.
Actually u can make specific du'as.
Istikharah is seeking Allah's guidance in terms of choice.
U can ask for something specific but accept the reply. Don't be angry or unhappy if you don't get exactly as you requested.
Du'a is a way to get closer to Allah.
Accept the reply and be happy with it.
Sometimes we think we know what's good for us, but we don't really.
'The matter of a believer is strange. Everything is good in the matter of a believer.'
Q&A
Laws of attraction. Abusive partners.
How to avoid toxic people?
How to rectify wrongs we do to another person, if they do not want to forgive? - we did our part. If they refuse to forgive, that's their issue with Allah.
Make du'a.
We don't know the future, ask Allah to protect us from these things. Coz we are blind, we can't see it.
Yasmin M doesn't believe that we're attracting bad things, and we shouldn't believe that either.
Sometimes, it's our personality - we are enabling it. Allowing people to walk all over us.
Seek help n protection from Allah, n don't allow anyone to mistreat or abuse.
Q&A
Husband passed away, undiagnosed. With 2 small kids. She used to make prayers, please don't take her husband. But he passed away. She's having trouble accepting it. What's the good from it? Altho people say it's qada' n qadar.
It's ok to turn to Allah and express the pain we are experiencing.
Bottling it up can make a toxic environment.
Cry, turn to Allah n say it's hard, it's painful.
In sajdah during tahajjud, cry to Allah. The release will be very freeing.
Give yourself permission to 'release'.
We're human, imperfect n weak. Turn to Allah in our weakness, and beg Allah for help. For acceptance. Allah can soften the heart, to get thru the pain n accept. He can put any emotion in ur heart, and also take it away.
Do the 3-part dhikir prescription. Even if initially it is just going thru the motions, it would help.
Dua taught to Ummu Salamah. Who lost her husband.
"Innalillahi... "
".... Allah give me a reward in my calamity, n bless me with what is better."
Umm Salamah’s du’a is also narrated in Muslim:
“Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: I heard the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) saying, “When a person suffers from a calamity and utters:
'Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji`un. Allahumma ujurni fi musibati, wakhluf li khairan minha (We belong to Allah and to Him we shall return. O Allah! Compensate me in my affliction, recompense my loss and give me something better in exchange for it), then Allah surely compensates him with reward and better substitute.” Umm Salamah (ra) said: When Abu Salamah (ra) died, I repeated the same supplication as the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) had commanded me (to do), so Allah bestowed upon me a better substitute than him [Muslim].
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P/s- If you notice any inaccuracies in these notes, I sincerely apologise.. please let me know so that I can fix it. Thanks! 🙂
How can i download it in pdf form please help me dear sister.
ReplyDeleteHow can download it as pdf sister
ReplyDelete